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Join the discussion at the Bar Mitzvah Planning Discussion Forum

Money Gift
Written by Doctor Simcha   

Money Gift - Advantages and Disadvantages

  • The advantage of cash is that it allows the BM child to select exactly what they want. And apart from this, who does not like money?

  • The disadvantage is that cash gifts are not very personal. Unless it is a LOT of money. Wink

  • A BIG disadvantage of cash gifts, so say the kids themselves, is that parents do not allow the kids to spend the money... the money either go to the bank account or to cover the cost of the party! If you ask a kid if he wants money for his BM often the answer will be NO!

How much money?

  • Money Maze - solve the maze to get the money
    How much money to give? It is a tricky question and the answer is not a quick one! There are several parameters to think about when trying to decide on the sum of the gift. Let's talk about these parameters.

  • The relationship between the guests and the child and family is an important consideration. How close are they? Is the guest just a classmate? A special friend? Close family friends? Family? It makes a difference.

  • Where you live also counts. Every community and region have their customs.

  • How many people are attending as guests? Is only the child invited? Or a family of 4?

  • Surprise - thereís real money in this bar of soap!
    The guest's financial situation is very relevant. Having a tight budget?


  • Sometimes people try to match the luxury of the event with the check's sum. A modest event scales down the sum, and vice versa. The Doc does not feel comfortable with this practice. The gift is intended to honor the child, not to reimburse the parents for the party costs.

  • Multiples of $18 (18, 36 and so on) are traditional when giving a money gift. The number 18 is significant in the Jewish faith, because it is the numerical value of the Hebrew word "chai," meaning life.

How to hand the money?

  • The Doc does not recommend giving cash. It can get lost. Check is safer.

  • Putl the money in the wallet - wallets at eBags
    How to give the money? Putting the cash or check in an envelope is one option...

  • Make a money gift more special by giving the money in a unique way. The Doc heard about an old Chinese man doing dollar-bill-origami. Not kidding! Google "Joseph Wu" and you will see it there. Anyway, here are some elegant money giving options:

    • Drop the money in the slot of the Money Maze Bank. It will drive the BM child crazy until they get the money, but it is lots of fun.

    • Children really enjoy Money Soap. It is also a great incentive to get kids to wash their hands!

Having a tight budget?

  • Can't afford to give a money gift?

  • Don't break your budget. Some people may go higher with the sum, and it is nice of them. However, you are not obliged to follow. Not everyone can afford the same sum, especially when events are held every weekend. Give a present that fits your budget.

  • Instead of giving cash money, why won't you select carefully a present in a price range that you can afford? Show thoughtfulness in the gift selection. It may mean to the party host much more than a high sum check. Put love in the present, whatever size it is, and it will be received with love! Check the Doc's how to choose a "gift in a box" guide.

  • People invite guests to parties so they can celebrate with their friends and share these precious moments with them. It is not about checks, it is about friendship. No one would like their guests to be stressed with it. Relax, give what you can, and give it with love.
Comments (11)add comment
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written by Mark R , March 09, 2010

Everybody who is not Jewish just pretend you are going to a catered wedding. you give the bride and groom 18 or 36 dollars i'm betting your not going to be invited ever again. You should at least pay for your plate. If you can't you should just reply can't make it.


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written by Kristine K , February 17, 2010

What a great and positive thread. We are not Jewish and my son was invited to his first Bar Mitzvah (for a school friend). I have been stressed by the posts I have read elsewhere that say I have to dole out $100+ in order to be appropriate. I am a single parent and the family throwing the party is quite well off, so I expect they will spend lavishly. I need to purchase my son clothes to wear and give a gift. This site has reassured me about the meaning of this event as not an occasion where I'm obligated to reimburse the parents for their spending choices, but rather one which celebrates something meaningful. I will likely give either $36 or $52 and now I feel okay about it. Thanks everyone.


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written by Simchabucks , September 22, 2009

We have built the following tool to calculate how much money to bring to a Bar or Bat Mizvah


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written by amy2 , May 27, 2009

My daughter recently had her bat mitzvah so, based on the gifts she rec'd, I have a good idea what is an appropriate gift. Nearly all her school, camp and other friends who came by themselves (w/o their families) gave $36 or $54 depending upon their relationship with my daughter. A couple of friends gave more and a few gave less, but $36 and $54 were far and away the most common gift. Hope that helps. BTW: we live in the NY/NJ/CT metro area.


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written by kate dolan , May 23, 2009

Thanks for all of your advice. I amgoing to a b'not mitzvah this week end and dont know how much to give for each of them please help.


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written by Doctor Simcha , March 27, 2009

The fact the this is a distant cousin is a relevant parameter when you consider the amount of the money gift. Decide on the amount of the gift after considering this parameter together with the other relevant parameters discussed on the article above.



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written by PS , March 16, 2009

What if you are not going to the event but it is a distant cousin (2nd once removed) that you don't know well and never see? What to give?


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written by Lily Harir , January 10, 2009

I am Jewish and I am having a huge bat mitzvah soon and usualy you do multiples of 18.... 18,36,54,72 ectt!


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written by Terri Vandegrift , Nov. 22, 2008 , November 22, 2008

Thanks for all of your advice. My daughter has been invited to several Bat/Bar Mitzvah over the last few months. I was not sure what to give so we gave $30.00 to her friend who invited my daughter to her first Bar M., I felt terrible after hearing people give $100. or more. Someone told me I was suppose to give multiples of eight. So the next one she gave $36. Now after reading your page My daughter is attending one tonight and she will be giving multiple of 18. Depending on their friendship it will now be $36. or $54. I hope this is correct because I am a different faith and I give different amounts due to the closeness of the person to us.


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written by Doctor Simcha , April 18, 2007

Exactly, Leon, that is the right spirit. The best gift is a guest's hug, smile and kiss. Seeing you enjoy in their party is what makes the BM family happy. $50 or $100, that's no big deal. Most important - Mazal Tov!


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written by Madison Leon , April 18, 2007

Thanks. My daughter is invited to a Bat/Bar Mitzvah almost every week. It's hard to give an expensive gift to everyone! My daughter's Jewish friend told her that $100 was the best amount, but because we're on a tight budget I can't give a $100 to all her friends (when we only give $50 to family's communion and conformation). Thanks. It's not the amont of money or the dress that makes the guest, but they are there to celebrate and support their friend



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