DoctorSimcha.com’s Bar Mitzvah Planning Forum

First of all, happy new year to everyone. My son’s bar mitzvah is coming on March 24th in this year (2012). There are about 80 something days left for preparation and rehearsal. I wanted to ask this now because I have time. He is a quick learner and will learn Hebrew very fast, but the important part here is the service. He has a strong stage fright. He is a very shy and nervous person, and is very worried about the 2 hour Torah service. And since he is still a child, he gets embarrassed very soon and begins to sob. I have advised him some breathing exercises. Is there any other way to help him control his fear of stage?

My daughter's Bat Mitzvah is also on March 24. To prepare her and help calm her nerves, we have been doing several things. First, we've talked a lot about the fact that 90% of the people attending the service are her family and friends. Why be nervous when you're with people who know and love you? Second, we've told her that she knows her Torah and Haftorah portions so well, she could do it in her sleep. So, there is no need to be nervous. Third, we are going to "position" key friends and family throughout the sanctuary so whichever direction she looks at in the congregation there will be a person who will know to give her a calming smile. Fourth, we've told her that the month before her Bat Mitzvah, the synagogue will have her spend one hour a week practicing on the Bimah so she is comfortable for the big day. Finally, we have played the "what if" game. Worst case she makes a ton of mistakes during the service. We don't care because we know for a fact she is incredibly prepared and ready.

Good luck!

There are many methods, like mental imagery, deep breathing, stress balls, and stress relief actions. Just like him, I also drove myself crazy with rehearsals. And even today, when I read Torah and somebody corrects me, it makes me nervous. The main thing is that you should be supportive of him. If everyone supports him, he will gain confidence. But tell him to put in efforts. Nothing can work if he doesn’t put in efforts. If he is in the right position to learn and adapt, it will not be a big deal.